Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
