seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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