the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So many bounce houses so little time
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
