Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize