did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
