I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
