They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
