man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
