bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
