you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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