So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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