that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
