Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
