Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
