the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
