is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
