he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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