idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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