The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
