On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
