but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just googled if crying burns calories
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
