I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
