I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
