I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
