summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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