I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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