I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
