Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
