Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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