I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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