The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize