Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Less talking, more tequila
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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