Whod you bang
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
