On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
