It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
FUCK WHALES
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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