just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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