ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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