I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize