and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
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