If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
