I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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