Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
