I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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