Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
