how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
