This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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