Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
