I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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