so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's official drugs can't kill me
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
