I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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