Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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