i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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