Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
No stitches, just platelets and will power
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
