Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize
