He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
