out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
