I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
