u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
