well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
