so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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