I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
