I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
