So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
