omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Randomize
