WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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