So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
