Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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