Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
